What do you want your child to remember?

Recent events today had me strolling through youtube and listening to some Tedtalks. This is an interesting listen in regards to building memories and not setting expectations. Hug your child. Make those minutes count. What do you want your child to remember?

I'm just "Dad."

People come and go in life. Sometimes you know them, other times you really don't. Sometimes you realize how much a neurotic mess they have turned out to be. Even though those friendships may no longer be there it is rather sad to witness a perceived decline. The one thing that doesn't seem to change however are the excuses or placing of blame. Negating ownership of their own issues that drag on like a sinking fishing trawler destined for the sea floor. Always pointing the finger. A projection of their insecurities upon others. A reflection of ones self? Probably. 

How does one deal with someone like this, when they are tied biologically together? Sure, one can put up barriers. There is also only so long one can avoid the other.  One normally does not want to find themselves wishing days to pass as our time on this rock is short. However, I find myself counting the days until all of those awkward conversations are a distant memory. The daily or weekly interactions are a continuing punishment for a failed marriage. A constant reminder, as is phantom pain to the amputee who keeps reliving the accident that took his or her limb. 

Over the course of the last few years I have trudged through the pits of hell, dragging myself on broken hand and knee to the sunlight reaching and grasping for any shred of hope to make it through. I have struggled with navigating the waters of parenting my child in a fucked up post divorce situation. Finding out what works best for the connection that my son and I have. Anxiety, depression, second guessing myself, but always owning the situation with as much grace I can muster. Some days are better than others. Point being, is that regardless of the bad days, I have reached into myself to make that connection with my son the best way that I know how. I can only say what works for me. I can't tell you how to parent your own child.

The bitter me from two years ago would have told you that everything you have gone through the last two years was brought about because of your actions. However, I've moved past being a bitter person. Is it your fault that you are a neurotic mess because of how you grew up? No, but it's how you choose to deal with the situation.  Adding unnecessary anxiety to a situation doesn't help either party, especially when the situation is stressful enough as it is and that party is your son. We are divorced, yet here I find myself still helping out. Not because I want to help you, but because I feel bad for him. Through all the escalations we cannot grasp the fact that it could possibly be anything of your doing, so, let's just throw another clinical term out there. 

So, I will keep being there as a rock for my flesh and blood. I'll be there to give him a hug when he comes running through the door. I'll try not to count the days for the next ten years, and I'll continue to pick up the slack for him from any shortcomings that arise in his life. When I can't find a way to reach him, I will try another way and not escalate it, because that's what we are supposed to do.  What do I know though? I'm just "Dad."