9 Months & The Vacancy that's here

I woke up and my thoughts were immediately with you. You would have been born this month, and you're not going to be. I've spent the last few months trying to come to terms with this. You would have been my world. Please look down on your mother today, I think she is going to really need it. She loves you, too. Your brothers love you, they just don't know it yet. Thank you for choosing me to be your father, I can't wait to meet you someday. I love you, Princess.

Energies entwined, to create ecstasy.

Fruit of the womb, takes the seed.

To create new life , a part of me

Scared & joyous, overly.

You were but, just a pea.

To learn that you will never be,

Crushed my soul, so heavily. 

You would have been a Sister to three,

Beautiful, smart, and carefree.

I'd ask that you could sit with me

but, since you can't, I hope you see,

that my love will always be.

                             -Dad

Bean

Something I wrote a back around mid October. You'd be arriving in two more months. I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I'm not well. Maybe you could be with me, just for a little while. 

I never thought I would be in a position in my life where I would be writing a letter to my unborn child. I know you were only a few weeks old, but I believe life starts at conception. You were only the size of a bean, but you were on your way to becoming a major part of my life in just a few short months. I won't have that chance to meet you.

    I said I believe life starts at conception, but I also believe the unborn choose who they want to be with. I take comfort in the fact you know who I am. I'm your father. Although I was not planning on having you , you chose us. I'd be lying if I would say I wasn't scared. I was, but I knew that I would have made it work I would have found a way to be a good father to you. I always wanted a daughter. I'm not sure if that's what you would have been been, but I can imagine.

    You were created out of love. Your Mother is very beautiful and I have no doubt you would have followed in her footsteps. You would have had 3 brothers. All different in their own right, but full of love. They would have done a wonderful job of protecting and looking out for you. you would have been surrounded by love and you would have provided the same to us. I've spent the last few weeks wondering what you would have looked like. What your interests would have been, what and or who you would have turned out to be. I didn't get a chance to meet you, but I love you. I love you because you are a part of me and because I love your mother. Even though you were to small to have a heartbeat, your heart would have been big and you would have been able to love deeply. 

I am saddened that I won't get to rock you, or have late nights with you, or see your first toothless smile and all of the other things that I would have loved to experience with you. I won't forget you. Weird to verbalize since I never met you, I'm sure you understand what I mean. I hope to meet you some day, maybe when the time comes for me to pass. I know your mom won't forget you either. Thank you for bringing us closer together & please look after her and your brothers. They would have loved  you. Say hello to Leigh , Doris, and Normand for me. You would have been my little princess. 

Your name would have been Lane Leigh Dionne. 

Love,

Dad