Interesting comparison

I heard someone describe everything going on with COVID-19 today as: "they feel they are sitting around waiting to die." I thought to myself, oh good, now you understand how depression feels. 

The bringer of gifts

When going through a divorce, and post divorce I find myself dealing with the aggravating experience of people building relationships with my son. Watching this as an outsider is a rather frustrating experience. I hear talk of them, he shows up to the house with things that this other person has bought for him. I try to be open minded, and I try to make the argument in my head that the more people that support this kid the better, right?  This has been a constant throughout. This is rooted with the person that the ex cheated on me with (if not physically, then certainly emotionally) and has since moved in with. I've mentioned before in different posts that I keep my ears open as this person doesn't have a good reputation around this area. Although I have not heard anything I still keep my ears open. My son refers to him as his friend, and it's like nails on a chalkboard. In my head I'm telling him that he isn't his friend. I feel as though items are being purchased as a way to get into my sons good graces. Is it a jealousy thing, that this person gets to spend time with my son when I don't? I find myself worrying that over time I will be slowly replaced. I find myself worrying about manipulation taking place as other members of his family have been pushed out of his life in the name of  "self healing  and over coming trauma." Am I going to be pushed away or isolated?

It's not that I am proactively thinking about this type of stuff, hell, it's not like I proactively even think about them or that situation. However, when your son is mentioning things like this it's hard to avoid. I try to shrug it off when he is around and show interest. However, it's extremely hard. I'd like to think that it makes me a better person to take the high ground.  I am also aware that it makes me a hypocrite to talk about this as my girlfriend loves my son, and does the same types of things for him. I'm sure it drives his mom nuts, or then again, maybe not. After all, she is the one who decided to break the whole thing off. Does it also makes me a hypocrite because I do the same things for my girlfriends kids? Does their dad think or feel the same way about me? It's interesting waters to navigate, and even though it's been over two years since we have separated it doesn't seem to get any easier in certain aspects, this being one of them.

I try to get my thoughts into check. I find that I tell myself to control the controllables. This is something that I cannot control, so there is not point in wasting energy on dwelling over this. Easier said than done. As my son gets older I hope he is smart enough to see through the bullshit. However, there is that chance that he doesn't see it for what it is. Am I wrong for feeling this way?