Reality came crashing hard yesterday, Monday. Back to the grind at work. I woke up with a full heart, having spent time with my son and my girlfriend and her two kids on a wonderful camping trip. Four days on Sennebec Lake, tenting, swimming, cooking over an open fire and just getting back to the roots of a simple life. Even if it was for a short amount of time. Spending time with someone that puts effort into the relationship, brings out the best in you and enjoys the time spent with you is truly a wonderful feeling. Having that person with you while you watch your children enjoy being free, and making friends and memories is truly a wonderful thing.
Its funny, the things that you learn about yourself during a time like divorce. You are shaken because you feel like your life is coming to an end. You worry about the outcome of things. Is your child going to get taken from you, are your friends no longer going to be your friend, how far in debt are you going to be etc. However, you do find out who you are, and what you are made of. You find out what is important to you and what isn't (even if you thought at one point it was.) Over the last year I have had time to reflect on the things that were wrong with my marriage, that at the time should have been red flags, or warning signs. You know the saying though , hind sight is always twenty-twenty. What I have come to realize is that, weather it be fate, or good luck. I have crossed paths with someone that treats me well, that doesn't make me feel like trash when they talk to me, doesn't tell me that I am broken, that is an over all beautiful and amazing person, who is excellent and nurturing to my son and her children.
What I have found so far is that we seem to make a good team. We know what needs to get done, and we make sure that the other person isn't getting stuck doing everything. I know it's only little things, but simple things such as cooking dinner. it's truly nice to have at least the offer of assistance, instead of me doing everything. I'm not used to that, as I did most of the cooking, the cleaning, the yardwork, the shrub beds, the laundry, etc. So, to have something like that is a treat, and I welcome it. Someone values my time, because they want to spend time with me. All weekend we were working like a team, cooking, prepping for lunches, watching the kids, and helping when it came to minor injuries or my son getting sick Saturday night. A great change of pace from what I was used to.
Being, what I felt, especially towards the end of my marriage was a one sided situation. I grew accustom to that, and I just, I suppose; shrugged it off after so long. I now see, what a real relationship was and is supposed to be like. A true team in the sense of the word. It was truly a beautiful weekend. The weather was gorgeous, the kids had a blast, and once again, tested our friendship and relationship a little more as far as being able to exist with each other for a number of days without arguments, without any ill or negative vibes or feelings or getting aggravated with one another. We had a solid connection the whole time, and no distance between us. This is a the woman that took me into her home last year to make sure I was okay, a co-worker, and what initially started out as a safe space to go to turned into friendship, and that has blossomed into something more. She has accepted my son, and doesn't see him as baggage, and I have grown to adore her children as well. The kids play along great, and look forward to seeing each other when they are in their absence. I missed that sense of compassion, that sense of caring, and that sense of being a team. Getting a glimpse of your partner from across the campsite when you are both tending to different things, but then smiling at each other.
For the first time since my marriage dissolved and even before, this weekend; I felt like a true family unit. I felt like I was alive, I forgot what it feels like to be alive. That feeling has been absent for so long that I truly forgot whojat it was like to have that feeling. I have come to grip with the terms that things fell apart with my marriagef, and for the better part of last year I tried to figure out what happened. I will never fully know what made us drift apart, aside from people change. what I do know is that positive and beautiful things can come out of bad situations, and I think that this is one of them. It's refreshing, and a good feeling to know that there is light at the end of the tunnel that I have been traveling through. I want to continue to learn about myself, and make progress, and fully heal. I know I will still continue to have bad days, but I do know that I have a wonderful support system up here even if it is small.
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