Coming out of the Holiday and New Year season, I find myself drawn to songs and albums that bring me back to a simpler time. A time when I was still cutting my teeth on the music scene, when I was realizing there was beauty in chaos and aggression, that music could be used as a weapon for change and the DIY ethic that came with it. A time before I was constantly tired, and every weekend was filled with friends, stage dives and high fives ( to quote a favorite New England band, I'll let you figure that one out.) Is part of my life. It's Unfortunate, but for a time I was completely burned out on it. Shows every weekend, writing a fanzine, interviewing bands, starting my own band, playing my own gigs on top of 40 hour work weeks. I have been removed from this music scene ultimately for the last ten years. I have found myself being drawn back to it as of recent. I think as therapeutic as it was for me as a teenager and into my late 20's it still proves to be a huge part of who I am and a much therapeutic release for me today.
A flood of memories comes back to me from hundreds of shows over the years. Meeting so many wonderful people. So many good times leading up to shows, giving all of my blood , sweat , and sometimes tears ( in the case of the Hatebreed set in New Hampshire at the Bombshelter shortly after my cousin died in the Station night club in Rhode Island.) I think that when I was a kid it was a way for me to feel like I had a place to fit in, a place to quell anxieties that I had at the time. Very much my therapy. I could deal with whatever bullshit I needed to during the week, but on the weekend we were hitting the shows all over New England. I look back on that time fondly and wouldn't change it for the world.
Now a days, it's therapeutic to me in the sense of bringing back good feelings. If i'm having a hard time I know if I put on, say, Terrors "Lowest of the Low" album, or Strife's "in this defiance" album that it's an instant mood changer for me. The aggression of those albums, and the great memories that they bring back to me are monumental. who every says aggressive music cannot be positive is full of shit. These feelings have been elevated for me over the last week with the announcement of the Death Before Dishonor show at Genos in Portland. A lot of old heads are going to be coming out for the show, and my best friends band will be opening up for the show.
This will be big for me as well in the sense that this is the first time in 15 years that I will be going to a hardcore show without my ex-wife. To be honest it's a little weird as she was always with me. So, I feel that this is really the final step to leaving the old life behind. I'm being reborn in the sense of gravitating back towards the music scene I cut my teeth with something that meant so much to me, and something that truly made me happy, with a woman I love that also makes me happy, and will be surrounded by friends that make me happy as well. I was extremely moved that my girlfriend wanted to go to the show, because she knows how much this world and life meant to me and helped define who I am as a person. It's nice to continue marching forward with someone who is truly into it and not going through the motions and to be able to share something so special with someone special.
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