Coming to an end

As the year comes to a close I can say that a lot of personal progress has been achieved on a personal level this year. I am in a much better place that I was last December at this time, and certainly since the December before that. It has been two years since I was at the beginning of the worst period of my life. I have crawled out of the hole and am now standing much taller that I was.  I find that I am still adjusting, and find myself at times thinking about that. We have officially cleared the Christmas holiday, and where I did Have Orion on Tuesday for Christmas, yesterday just wasn't the same without having him there. I was lucky enough to have been surrounded by my girlfriend and her family, and was invited over to her mothers house. It was nice to be included family dynamics again. However, there was a part of me that was vacant because I wasn't around him.

I am am proud of how much I have achieved in the last two years. I know what I am made of, I have seen some pretty incredible Highs, and I have seen some equally scary lows. I feel like I have become much more in tuned with myself, and I have done a lot of self discovery, and know myself on a multitude of levels now. I am able to recognize things about myself that needed to change, and learn to not dwell on the past. To let things go, and control what you can control. By letting things go I have been able to control what I focus my time and energy on, but also put myself in a position where I am not being hypocritical in my healing. Not making myself out to be the victim. When the divorce first started I wanted very badly to play the victim card, which I did. Rightly so to a point. However, I'm moving on. I'm not holding onto what was. I think people are to comfortable playing the victim, I see it with friends and former family. They hold on to things when there really isn't a point to anymore. When your fifteen years into holding onto something you just come across a bitter. Which, is rather sad.

We are approaching the time of the year where people will be preaching for personal change and resolutions, of which some will achieve and others will fail miserably. I hope for your sake, if you are reading this and are thinking that you are going to make a change, or heal from something that you achieve what you are looking for. I hope that 2020 brings some sort of solidified healing for you, that you are able to let things go , and that you are able to learn a few things about yourself in the process. whatever that may be.

 With the new year approaching I need to compile a list of goals I want to achieve this coming year, something to focus on besides the every day normalcy. Goals in my career, relationships , and other personal goals. I think 2020 will be the year for me where my feet get fully planted underneath me.