A lot of this is due to the inner voice in my head, fueled by anxiety, and child hood trauma. This is something that I have picked up before, but never really knew how to correct this mindset. One of those easier said than done things. I was able to decern that I need to make it a bit personal. Name this inner voice. Talk to it when you get those thoughts. Tell it to fuck off. I'll be naming mine Jeff. This was probably a subconscious decision stemming from my childhood and high school years, having to deal with the typical Yarmouth prick by the name of Jeff Gray on a daily basis. One of those kids that certainly could have a used a 40mph swing with a metal lunchbox upside the head. I guess I will finally get to tell him off whenever that voice creeps into my head.
One thing that I learned is that I can tell myself that I deserve to feel happy, and with any situation ask "does this make me happy?" If the answer is no, then stop. Being a people pleaser, I go out of my way to please everyone else for fear of rejection. This only leads to burnout. When I get burned out, I'm no good to anyone. This includes myself, my son, my partners, friends, family etc. That puts me right back into survival mode. I've been in a constant state of survival mode the last 6 years at the very least. Probably longer than that. Of course not every day is going to be easy. It's okay to have hard days, but I need to at least tell myself that I am a good person, and that I am doing the best that I can. Acknowledge it, add some compassion and self love, to reinforce the mindset reset. If I can love other people deeply, I can love myself deeply. I'm worth it.
This statement holds true to the term toxic, or toxicity. This statement, is everywhere now a days. Overused and in many cases out of context. Its just another catch-phrase for the self help / awareness pop culture. Sure, there are toxic situations. People are in abusive relationships. Whether it be physical or mental abuse. In this case, it's a toxic relationship. However, Toxic should not be utilized for every situation. Everyone has toxic traits. What we need to focus on is using compassion and empathy to put ourself in an aware state as to why someone may have done what they did, said what they did. It doesn't mean what they did was right, it doesn't mean you have to be okay with the actions. Not everyone is malicious, or vindictive. There needs to be some understanding as to why things play out the way that they do. This is something that I need to work on a bit more. I admit that.
I couldn't find the exact podcast episode that I was listening to this morning, however here is a segment by Mel Robins that gets into having control of your mind. I suggest grabbing a cup of coffee, some tea, finding a warm spot in the sun and taking it in.
No comments:
Post a Comment