I decided to celebrate my promotion and work, so I splurged last night while out shopping and picked up the new Metallica record that recently came out. I've been a life long fan, and still remember the copy of Master of Puppets that my supervisor, Michelle, slipped me at the nursing home when I used to volunteer when I was just a boy. Life altering moment. At the very least I figured I need to get prepped for the Metallica weekend that I am going to next year with the boys. They may very well be a dad rock band at this point, but They put on a hell of a show. Tailgating is also fun as hell. Bring on the Whiskey and burgers (i fucking hate whiskey.)
We're in May already, can you fucking believe it?! I have already posted my goals for the month in my journal, and have printed and taped them to the wall in my bedroom. I am happy with the progress that I made last month. I feel stronger, my mind is clearer, push-ups are getting a little easier, planks are smoother and not as choppy. The next few days will be tough to get through as it's supposed to rain the entire time. I had pushed myself for the last 6 days, so I didn't go running. I did my push ups and planks. I also took the day off from doing any self care stuff with the exception of reading my book a bit, just to give my brain a rest. Tonight I plan on finishing the last part of the take control course by Mel Robbins after I talk with the boys. I'll probably clean, price and bag some records as well.
The last 48 hours has been a lot to process. I officially sent off the boundaries to the ex-wife, surprisingly I haven't heard anything at this point. I can't imagine that she will let me stand my ground without giving some sort of pushback. So I am anticipating some sort of rebuttal. I need to protect my family. I was tired yesterday from all the emotional energy that has been expelled over the last few days. It was nice to have conversation with you last night, and start coming up with needs and coming up with some boundaries. I understand your scared, and I understand there may be unease, it's also nice to hear the excitement, and happiness come through in your voice. At the end of the day , that 's what I want. You to be happy. I want my queen to thrive, feel safe, and be in a spot where you feel at home, are able to add that love & softness that we all need to our family, and have the strength to get out of survival mode and excel. It's been reassuring, and I feel blessed to have this second chance.
Tonight I have a phone date with the boys, that is, if they are feeling up to it as they are not feeling well. I miss them, and I feel like although it's only been a few months since I have seen them, that I have missed a lot. They have grown, their little faces are maturing, they sound clearer on the phone. I'm looking forward to strengthening our bond, and continuing to be the good dad that I have been to them for the last five years. Being a father/ dad is the hardest job that I have had, but the rewards are so worth it, and watching these little individuals grow and aspire to continue to be good people as they mature, knowing that you had some sort positive role in that is, well, what it's all about. Even if they are all annoying at times! If I'm on my death bed, and I see my three boys all grown up, with families of their own and operate with integrity and love, and holding your hand, I can die easy knowing that I have fulfilled my role as a father. I hope they take the lessons I can teach them, and instill in them, and also instill them in my grand children (if I'm so lucky to have them.)
I feel good about the future. I feel good about what I feel towards my family. What we have for connection and substance is way more memorable than anything on this new Metallica Record! I'm looking forward to the future. I love you, Poopface.
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